My compliments

There was no hope of me missing the alarm this morning. No chance of employment truancy, forcing me to weave a fantastic, yet believable account to explain my absence from the morning’s meetings. No, not this morning, today my departure from the slumber was greeted by the monotonous hum and clanking of large equipment in front of my house.

“About time,” I thought, “finally tearing up that annoying asphalt and loading it into a truck.” My hope of time reversal was being addressed and I was confident the horse and buggy would be delivered to my abode at the city’s earliest convenience.

I knew this to be the case, because I no longer had running water, a further indication that we had reached the pinnacle of human society and the conclusion was made that it wasn’t so great after all (I was however, still confused at their use of heavy equipment for the street removal, but who was I to question such a great decision). I didn’t even mind my inability to exit my house due to the large trench cut across the end of my driveway…after all in our new old world, I wouldn’t need the truck.

In all the excitement, I was barely conscious of the paper cut I received while digging for my outhouse plans.

I almost brought all the workers that were lounging around in my front yard a beer until I realized that they would probably frown upon the means by which the beer was kept cold and would definitely turn me down in disgust, so I merely watched their progress. I wondered if the city would send out a collection truck for the refrigerator.

You can imagine my disappointment towards the end of the day when the trench was filled, new asphalt was laid and I was accosted by the dawning realization this was merely an elaborate hoax concocted by one of my arch nemesi for revenge (I assume nemesi is plural for nemesis). I’m beginning to think it was my wife that perpetrated this ruse, after all, she was absent for the day…work indeed, how convenient.

Even with the crushing defeat I had at the hands of these jokesters, I have to admit that if I couldn’t have a reversal of time; I was satisfied at the craters left in the street by the heavy equipment and the debris left in the overgrown lot across from my house. After all, if you can’t have rutted dirt roads, streets with potholes will just have to do.

I really must write the Prince William County Service Authority a thank you letter for such a fine job. I’m such a glass is half-full type of guy.